To-Dos and Not-To-Dos After A Tenant In The Homeless Hotel That You Manage Blows Unexpected Crack Smoke In Your Face

November 22, 2010

To-Dos:

Find a glass of water and a sturdy chair

Call someone you trust and ask for two slices of white bread, more water, and three Aleve

Turn your phone off and wait for fifteen minutes or so

Not-To-Dos:

Call your ex-girlfriend and tell her what you really think

Eat peanut butter-filled pretzels

Perform your famous “touchdown dance” on your way down the stairs between 3rd floor and 2nd floor

Tell paramedics to fuck themselves when they’re strapping you to the spinal injury board

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Llallo Estacado November 24, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Man I wish I had read this yesterday. Any ideas on what to do about the crackhead zombies from across the street that want to borrow my Chore Boy, but never return them? Headshot or dismemberment?

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