From the category archives:

unintended victims

The Large in the Small

April 5, 2012

Did you know there’s a place in your foot that if you press on it, you void your bowels? Instantly and forcibly? I did not know that. Did you discover this on accident, like while putting on your shoes, or… I was getting a foot massage. It’s called reflexology. All the different places on your [...]

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Winging It

March 29, 2012

My brother, the moron. He gets jammed up-his wife’s at work and he’s got to do a thing-and asks me if I can babysit. Just for an hour, he says. Ninety minutes, tops. And at the instant he asks, it seems like a reasonable request. I cannot think of a single reason I can’t do [...]

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Why Won’t A&E Return My Email?

March 25, 2012

I am not a licensed masseuse. But I’ve got hands of gold. That’s the first thing I suggested to the folks at A&E: Hands of Gold, Amateur Masseuse. So many ways to spin it. For instance, a reality program where they follow me as I offer massages to random people at the food court in [...]

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The Murky Fringe Interviews Your Mom

March 13, 2012

The Murky Fringe: What happened? Were you, like, partying a lot when you were pregnant? Your Mom: It was the seventies. The late seventies, but still. TMF: But on what? Gasoline? Lead paint? Industrial solvents? YM: No. Nothing like that. I smoked a little pot. On occasion. For my nerves. And was doing a little [...]

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Burning as a Kind of Placeholder

January 10, 2012

We struck matches under my bed, watched them ignite, stared at the yellowish flame consuming the wood in a slow but steady crawl towards our fingers. Then we blew them out. Stink of sulfur, stink of shriveled match-ember. That was the Juniper Street house. A year later, maybe, no more than that, dropping lit matches [...]

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The Murky Fringe Interviews The Defecated-Upon Cop Car From the OWS Protest

December 29, 2011

The Murky Fringe: So, is it safe to say… Shat-Upon NYPD Cruiser: Low point of my career? Absolutely. TMF: We’re so sorry for you. SUNYPDC: It wasn’t you who dropped trou and defecated on me. TMF: What’s it like to be used as a toilet? SUNYPDC: That’s not the part that bugs me. Whatever for [...]

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