Being Dumped at the Arcade: April 22, 1991

May 11, 2012

Karate Champ, we barely knew thee.

James, I don’t know how to tell you this but we need to break up. I know it’s your birthday but broken is broken, no matter what the day. We’re too young to be this committed.  You’re 11 and I’m almost 12.  Most relationships our age last a week tops.  Ours lasted three.  I’m practically a child bride.


Don’t walk away from me and take out your frustration on Double Dragon.  No matter how many levels you beat on one quarter, it’s not going to bring me back.  No. I don’t want to “take the other Dragon”.  I can’t be that for you anymore.  Just accept you’re a Single Dragon now.  No, I understand. Finish this mini boss and we’ll talk.


Don’t look at me. You’re wearing that Vision Streetwear shirt I love.  I just hate to see you blowing all your hard earned tickets on mini PB cups.  It’s not going to fill the hole inside you that I just put there.  You should save up.  Get yourself something nice.  You’re so close to that purple Discman.  Just another 5000.  Which I know you can do.  I have faith in you.  Just not girlfriend faith.


We’re not as Romeo and Juliet as I thought.  We’re more like Romeo and some girl who thinks Romeo would be hotter in a Little League uniform. We’re different people, James.  You want to beat Gauntlet at the arcade. I want to hang out at the mall with Jessica D and try on minis.  I think the arcade is boring except for skeeball. And you think the mall is ‘gay as butts’.  We’re not as starcrossed as I thought. Hey!  Don’t say my name every time you hit the Whack a Mole! You’re such a nard sometimes.


James, I know you’re acting like you’re crying over Karate Champ but I know it’s over me. It’s a cheap game. The two joystick setup is terrible. But cheer up, buckaroo. We had lots of good times.  You taught me how to French Kiss.  We found that dead body together.  We played all that Uno while my parents went to divorce court.  Maybe we’ll find better people.  Or maybe we’re like Street Fighter 2.  Maybe nothing can be that good again.  It doesn’t matter.  We have to keep trying.  You’ll always be my Ryu.  I hope that I’m always your Chun Li.


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Photon May 13, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I took my frustrations out at the arcade all the time. Wandering, game to game. Searching for that one game that would challenge me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Gauntlet, Berserker, Battlezone, Joust, Paperboy, Rastan, Toobin’. That stopped when I got crabs from the SmashTV game. F’n slut. I stayed away from the arcade for years after that.


2 Player2 May 14, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Dude, same thing over here, except it was Kardashians.


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