A Deleted Scene From the 1987 Movie Mannequin

May 4, 2012

Being gay in the 80s means never saying you're sorry for weird shades.

INT. PRINCE AND COMPANY MEN’S BATHROOM

Johnathan Switcher, the window dresser, and Hollywood, the amusing gay stereotype, are both washing their hands at the marble sink.

HOLLYWOOD

So let me get this straight. And honey, I don’t mean me.

 JOHNATHAN

Classic. Sure, go on.

 HOLLYWOOD

She got cursed to find true love way back in Egypt land and got turned into a statue/mannequin but she’s been waking up from time to time to sleep with famous dudes.

JOHNATHAN

That’s the gist.

 HOLLYWOOD

So she’s like a time slut.

JOHNATHAN

That harsh.  She’s had her adventures.  That’s not what I’m pissed about though.

Johnathan pulls down the paper towel a little forcibly.

 HOLLYWOOD

Go on, baby. I’m listening.

JOHNATHAN

So she’s basically immortal, right? With a few handicaps. But in all these centuries, she hasn’t picked up like one book?  Taken one class? What a waste.

HOLLYWOOD

It seems to me she squandered a great opportunity. Just like when I squandered the opportunity to see George Michael’s naked butt when we were at the same sauna.

 JOHNATHAN

I love it when you make things gay. So I’m saying, how can I be with someone this shortsighted? She had this rare opportunity to see the span of human history and she spent it in bed.

HOLLYWOOD

Sugar, I want her life. Her un-life or whatever.

Johnathan kicks open a bathroom door in anger.

JOHNATHAN

Can you just stop kidding for one second?!  Stop commenting on everything!  I’m serious here.  I’m thinking of marrying this girl but I feel like I’m looking at a criminal.  Like she murdered opportunity!

 HOLLYWOOD

I’m sorry. It’s hard to be a gay man in the 80s. Everyone wants jokes and catty judgments but no one wants to deal with the fact that I’m a complex individual.  I’m not just a punchline, Johnathan.

JOHNATHAN

I know you’re not. I’m sorry. Maybe I just have cold feet about this wedding. But I have so many questions.  If she stops loving me, will she re-mannequin? Or is that too depressing for a sequel? What if she can’t have kids? Did that curse calcify her womb?

HOLLYWOOD

Let’s forget about it and do some blow. It’s the 80s after all.

 JOHNATHAN

Now you’re talking. Line me up, Best Man.

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