Things You Shouldn’t Have to Say to Strangers

April 11, 2012

What can I say, he got away from us.

I think you sat on my Snickers bar.

Actually, it’s not ironic at all. My dad worked for Lovely Ladies Car Wash and gave me this shirt before he died.

No, I didn’t do it, I just found the ear and brought it in.

Which one of you fucked my wife first?

Well I can’t get it any wider.

Ma’am, you rubbed your sweaty arm fat on my sandwich.

I’m sorry sir, but I lost your goat.

Yes, this is Arizona.

Listen, I wouldn’t try to exchange a cock ring if I thought it’d been tried on already.

Fine, I’ll do it if you promise to let us go.

I was told I had to shave it first.

I’m here for the Carnival training.

Really, you can’t smell that?

This ain’t my first time breeding walruses.

Are you all out of rubber scrotums?

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