My Second Most Humiliating Break-up

April 26, 2012

Please drive through (my heart)

ME: Welcome to Arby’s. May I take your order?

RACHEL: Jeff, we need to talk.

ME: Please drive up to the first window.

RACHEL: I think it’s better this way.

ASSHOLE JOCK: Order me some curly fries, okay?

ME: Who the fuck is that?

ASSHOLE JOCK: Get me some fucking curly fries, nerd.

RACHEL: I didn’t want it to be like this, Jeff.

ME: I’m going to go stick my hand in the fryolator now.

More humiliating still was the team after-action review on how to properly treat third-degree burns.


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