The Murky Fringe Interviews The Defecated-Upon Cop Car From the OWS Protest

December 29, 2011

I've seen some things, but still...

The Murky Fringe: So, is it safe to say…

Shat-Upon NYPD Cruiser: Low point of my career? Absolutely.

TMF: We’re so sorry for you.

SUNYPDC: It wasn’t you who dropped trou and defecated on me.

TMF: What’s it like to be used as a toilet?

SUNYPDC: That’s not the part that bugs me. Whatever for that. I’m a NYPD cop car. People use me as a toilet at least three times a week. Inside and out. It’s the fact that in the pictures, man. You can see my number in the pictures. I’m not safe anywhere anymore. People posing with me, pretending to drop trou and defecate on me. Like that’s cool? It’s been a real fucked up holiday season for me.

TMF: Wow.

SUNYPDC: What’d I ever do to that guy? His beef wasn’t with me, but I’ve got the PTSD now. I start flipping out if I get parked anywhere except inside the lot at the precinct. Joe, my usual cop, he has to get drive-through at Dunkin’ Donuts now. He leaves me for five minutes, I can barely start when he gets back. They’re thinking of sending me to the Big Garage in Jersey.

TMF: The Big Garage in Jersey, that’s a euphemism, right?

SUNYPDC: Yep.

TMF: …

SUNYPDC: …

TMF: Well, they did a real good job getting the shit off of you. If you didn’t know, you wouldn’t know.

SUNYPDC: Thanks for trying not to stare. Not everybody makes the effort. I appreciate that.

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