From the monthly archives:

September 2011

Wings Melted, The Water Rising Up To Meet Him, Things Unlikely to Have Been on the Mind of Icarus in the Final Moments Before Death

September 30, 2011

CONTRIBUTED BY JAMIE POISSANT dirigibles antipastos Academy Award-winning actress Marlee Matlin how to fit a description of his breakfast, which really was rather sizeable, into 140 characters or less Maurice Sendak how at the end of Transformers they’re making out on top of Bumblebee koala bears how no one’s nose looks like a thumb and [...]

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BizTel Corp #43

September 29, 2011

I don’t know. What do you think? I think we’re already about two weeks late on this project, and it doesn’t really matter, soo… I just feel like the red font… in bold, it feels like it’s yelling at me, and in plain text, it just kind of blends in. I sometimes get the feeling [...]

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The Murky Fringe Interviews Polio (1956)

September 28, 2011

The Murky Fringe: You have really fucked some people up. Polio: Some people? I’ve fucked millions of people up. TMF: But you’re no plague. Polio: That depends on how you define “plague.” TMF: You’re not the Black Death, let’s put it that way. Polio: And I wouldn’t want to be. TMF: Because you’re not that [...]

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Runners-Up in the 2011 Heublein Spirits Worst-Named Drink Contest

September 27, 2011

Jagged Little Pill (Teen Angst in Liquid Form) While the judges enjoyed your use of parenthetical subtitle and the liberal use of Chewy Sweet Tarts in the recipe, they didn’t think Clearasil and cut out pictures from back issues of Marie Claire made for good ingredients.   Ulcerating Colitis The judges thought that the emotional [...]

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Through The Years: Greater Love Church Of God In Christ, My Aunt Wanda, And Me

September 26, 2011

I always thought of myself as the Pastor, though no one did actually bestow that great honor on me. But what all is there to it, I wonder? Hon, can you take it outside, please? I have a lot of work to do. Don’t you be bothering these poor folks just trying to do their [...]

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Non-Drug Addicts Talking About Recovering Drug (Opiate) Addicts

September 25, 2011

I just don’t believe it when one of them says he can’t even have pain medication. Like if he got shot and needed surgery, then they have to do it civil war style? Come on.

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Avoiding Explaining Death to Your Five-Year Old

September 24, 2011

Daddy, look. A dead squirrel. That squirrel’s not dead. He’s not? No. Then why is he laying in the road like that? He’s taking a nap. On the road. Because it’s warm. That’s why I tell you not to play in the street. Why? Because the street is so warm. It soaks up the sun’s [...]

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#GiveAReachAroundTo

September 23, 2011

#GiveAReachAroundTo any dude from Chicago. It’s Chicago! I would never #GiveAReachAroundTo anyone. I have no arms. Can I #GiveAReachAroundTo a young Michael Landon? I like watching apes #GiveAReachAroundTo each other. Just cause I’m a girl doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to #GiveAReachAroundTo me. #GiveAReachAroundTo ?????? That’s nasty.

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A Lesser Spirit of Adventure

September 22, 2011

From the time I was very young, I read books about the explorers of the Americas. Mostly the white, post-Revolutionary War ones, but also Cabeza de Vaca, Ponce de Leon, and of course Columbus. This was back when-at least in the mostly white town where I grew up-Columbus was still seen as an intrepid explorer [...]

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Making a Case for the Ambiguity of Salt ‘N’ Peppa’s Smash Hit “Push It”

September 21, 2011

Sure we’ve always assumed that it referred to the repetitive, in-and-out motion of coitus between a man and a woman, the woman encouraging her man to “push it [his phallus] real good,” which is to say, hard and fast. Some would even say deep. But we must not overlook the possibility that Salt ‘N’ Peppa [...]

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Army Dreams

September 20, 2011

For more than a decade now-since a couple of years after I got out of the Army-I’ve experienced variations of this recurring nightmare. At first, it was of the reaching the finish line and not being done variety: the kind where you are in high school, except you’re the age you are in waking life, [...]

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My New Friend Fitz

September 19, 2011

Fitz always screams at seagulls when we’re walking on the boulevard. Sandyson Boulevard. He says they can’t probably hear him but he likes to do it anyway. I like how he says it as though he’s unsure, like they might be able to hear him. Fitz and me are pretty different but we’re both okay [...]

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Carthage and Ithaca

September 18, 2011

When we first met, you often spoke of your travels as a child to Carthage and Ithaca. And of how much you wanted to go back. Of how much you would like to take me with you. And I was admittedly naive to think you meant the Carthage and Ithaca on the other side of [...]

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Dermatologists Without Borders

September 17, 2011

We used to be part of Doctors Without Borders, but those guys were assholes. We treat acne. Face and back. Mostly in South America. And don’t ask if we do hair-lip surgery. That shit’s for surgeons and fucked-up dentists.

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Son, Are You Trying To Be The Len Bias Of This Here Lumber Yard?

September 16, 2011

  You might have all the potential in the world, but if you keep up the partying your body’s gonna quit you. That would not only be a shame to me and the boys at the yard, but to the folks who’ve come to depend on your 2″ x 4″s. You’re just too damn good [...]

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