Shit I Do In My Dilapidated Garden Shed

March 1, 2011

Rearrange my collection of stolen concrete lawn ornaments.

Sharpen my scythe.

Spray tool cleaner into a sock and huff it.

Polish and rearrange my collection of gynecological instruments.

Jam out to Nickelback.

Practice saying “I like the way you talk” in my Slingblade voice.

Spray engine degreaser in a sock and huff it.

Dig a small hole in the dirt and say, “You ort not to’ve done that. He’s just a boy.”

Rework the lettering on my cardboard sign for discount gynecological exams.

Read Stephen King.

Spray the contents of a can with no label in a sock and huff it.

Put stuff in my butt.

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