Yahweh Remembers the 10 Plagues of Egypt

January 30, 2011

Water to Blood: “When you’re working with 10 plagues, you’ve got to pace yourself. You want to start off strong-obviously-but not too strong. You can’t set everyone on fire, for example, right off the bat. Yet, you’ve got to get people’s attention. Water to blood is terrifying, yes, but nobody is hurt directly-even if you’re swimming. It’s just upsetting.”

Frogs: “I’m not gonna lie, I should have left this for later. It was so unexpected that it was going to be successful no matter where I put it. Were the Egyptians scared? Yes. But honestly, they were more surprised than anything. Some of them thought the choice of frogs was arbitrary, that I could have used squid or moles or salamanders. I thought, they’re going to be expecting snakes, so I’ll back door them. It would have had more  punch after a difficult plague, would have felt like a respite. Then I could have really hit them hard with the next one. Like a jab before a roundhouse.”

Gnats: “They’re just the worst. I mean it. You haven’t suffered until you’ve suffered through gnats. Great #3.”

Wild Beasts: “What I was going for here was a nice juxtaposition of large with small. Any interpretations that the 4th Plague was merely a plague of flies is totally incorrect. Why would I have back-to-back insects? Gnats, then flies? That’s a misreading. Wild Beasts should be understood as those animals that would tear your throat out.”

Pestilence: “This was my halftime. My taking-it-easy Plague. Kill the cattle and horses and donkeys, etc. Honestly, I was a little worried I wouldn’t have enough for the last two. Some say I was being conservative, but I was also holding back a little. Were I to do it again, I’d just push through it, not save anything. Youth is wasted on the young, I guess.”

Boils: “Here’s where I really started gearing up. This was let-me-stick-it-to-you plaguing. Like, I’m gonna put it on your body, not just your crops. This is gonna hurt and you should have known better. I’m probably most proud of this. Ask me tomorrow and I’ll say something different.”

Hail: “Was this insult to injury here? Of course it was. When you drop 1o plagues on a people, you hit them when they’re down. A Plague of Cotton isn’t really a plague is it?”

Locusts: “I remember there was a little bit of ‘Will He or Won’t He?’ on this one. Like they knew it was coming, but there was some discussion about whether it would be 8th or 9th. It couldn’t be 10th, that was going to have to do with children. People knew that.”

Darkness: “The beauty of this one was pure anticipation. When was the light going to come back? Would it come back at all? Plus people were tired but they couldn’t sleep. This was the pinnacle of psychological terror. Boils heal and frogs die, but when it’s just night all the time? That fucks you up.”

Death of the 1st Born: “It’s what I’m most famous for, sure, but it’s also my best work. I don’t get that kind of inspiration anymore. Not like that. Not that kind of high. I remember thinking, ‘Darkness is just about played out. How can I finish this?’ Truth be told, I had no idea how I was going to end it. People think that I had it all planned; I didn’t. Not by a long shot. It wasn’t until I stopped trying so hard that the thought came: ‘Take the 1st born.’ So simple, yet devastating. A classic rebuke. One for the ages, really.”

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