Awkward Conversation In The Produce Aisle #397

January 20, 2011

It has been a while, yes.

About a year and a half.

You were at the movie with the skank you dumped me for.

Right. The skank you’d been sleeping with while we were still together, for which I broke up with you. Sorry.

No? Why? Did you decide to trade down again?

Oh? I’m sorry to hear that. Really. How’d she go?

I don’t want to sound bitter or anything, but if you keep dating women twice your age, it’s bound to happen again.

Was I too young for you? Was that it?

Maybe-do you think it’d be too unsexy to suggest those low dosage aspirins for the women you date? In addition their Geritol tablets?

What if I’d dyed my hair gray? Do you think we could have stayed together? Not that I’d want to, just.

Thanks for asking. She’s doing okay, I guess.

Well, they were married for thirty-six years.

Yeah, I miss him a lot, but he had a good life.

What do you mean, is she seeing anyone?


I can’t believe I’m having this conversation, but no. Guys want to date the mom, then the daughter.

Okay, maybe guys do fantasize about the daughter-to-mom switch, but not after they’re in their teens. And anyway, how could I be sure you wouldn’t dump my mom to date my grandma?

And anyway, you’re fucked up for asking.


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