Scenes From A Suburban Shopping Center: Sandahl Bergman

November 11, 2010

If I were dead, and you were still fighting for your life, I'd come back from the darkness. Back from the pit of hell to fight at your side.

Excuse me. I don’t want to bother you, but are you, by any chance…

Sandahl Bergman? Yes. I am.

Wow. Holy shit. I, well. Conan the Barbarian is my, still, you know…

Favorite movie. Yes. I know. Of all time, right?

Yes. I mean, I…

Look, I will take a picture with you as long as you don’t touch me, or ask me to reenact the movie poster, me squatting down while you hold something either pathetic or ironic aloft. My knees aren’t what they once were. And I will sign something, so long as it’s not a body part or a partially nude photo of me. But…

I just wanted to say that this is a really huge moment for me. I, well…

Final stipulation is that if you tell me about how you became a man while watching Conan the Barbarian, and how you feel like you technically lost your virginity to me, the deal’s off.

Oh. Well, let’s just take the picture then.

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