And I Say To You In Turn

September 9, 2010

I’m sure that there were moments in the life of Christ Almighty, The Messiah, Jesus, where somebody decided to be douchey to him. Probably not any of the disciples, or the Marys, or anybody like that. No, probably some hating motherfuckers that saw all the love he was getting and wanted to knock him down a peg.

Hey, Christboy, they might say, after Jesus had committed some minor infraction of Galilean etiquette, you born in a goddamn barn or something?

To which, what could The Christ say?

Yes, he would humbly admit. Yes I was.

The twin founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus, were probably pretty awesome dudes themselves. I mean, they founded Rome, back when that shit meant something. But and still, you know that player-hatin’ isn’t any AD shit. Player-hating goes all the way back to The Garden of Eden. The serpent in the garden’s the OG player-hater.

So. There’s Romulus and Remus, just hanging out and being awesome, making it rain in some early Roman strip club, and some asshole like steps on their kicks or something. To which maybe Romulus (or Remus) smacks the shit out of him, like yo, watch where the fuck you’re putting them dogs down.

And dude gets all swoll. Starts clapping those gums at them like who the fuck taught you how to act? You raised by wolves or some shit?

And right before they put an Original-like Wonder Twins beat-down on him, they probably said like yeah, motherfucker, that’s right.

And Ares, who could blame him for being so pissed off on the regs? Dudes were probably all the time like yo, I heard your moms and pops were brother and sister.

And that would be the last thing that they, or their family, or their entire city ever said. Like ever.

So.

Paw

When you ask me after my parentage, coming up like hey, I heard your dad was an itinerant shade tree mechanic with a taste for prison hootch and underage girls, I got to cop to it.

But that don’t mean I have to like it.

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