From the monthly archives:

September 2010

Cormac McCarthy In The Ten Items or Fewer Line

September 30, 2010

See the items in the carts of the people in the line. See them. The things in the packages have no figurable lineage back to the  components from which they might have been alchemized. Perversions. Filth and degradation in bright packaging. High fructose corn syrup. Monosodium glutimate. Other ingredients, unpronounceable, inorganic chemical compounds  perhaps developed [...]

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Ask The Prune Guy, Ray Hoeffer

September 29, 2010

People keep telling me to eat prunes when I’m constipated, but I find that they only block me up even more. Like I’m throwing soggy bags of Quick-crete on top of a beaver dam hoping for a miracle. Any suggestions? Blocked in Bakersfield, CA Well Blocked, I’m going to tell you what I tell everyone: [...]

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The Murky Fringe Interviews Sigmund Freud

September 28, 2010

The Murky Fringe: You had a colon named after you. How does that feel? Sigmund Freud: I’m sorry, but I don’t know that that is the case. TMF: It’s the part nearest the butthole. I mean, that’s either a huge compliment or a total dick move, right? SF: Is there something you wished to ask [...]

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Things We Might Be Doing If Dad Wasn’t Always Making Us Break Land In Ukraine

September 27, 2010

Finding some new horses that we could just have fun with and not always use to break land Storing some grains for the winter Killing some bears so we could stay warm Being satisfied with the land we’ve already broken Developing some kind of new plan to help us survive next winter, which is only [...]

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Between the Poles: My Travois Journey Across South Dakota

September 26, 2010

Chapter 1: My Seat Behind the Tail Chapter 2: Waiting on a Gallup Chapter 3: All Sorts of Smells Chapter 4: Every Little Rock and Stone Chapter 5: Suggesting the Wheel Chapter 6: Passed On the Left Chapter 7: All I See Is Where We’ve Been

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A Message From Francisco “Pancho” Villa

September 25, 2010

Don’t ever, ever let me hear you call yourself gringo. That’s our word for you.

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Cormac McCarthy at the DMV

September 24, 2010

And before me was a great and winding line of mankind, their number stretching from the front counter to the back wall and through the automatic doors and out into that stretch of asphalt divided, as it were, into rows of teeth, some of which were empty, but most were occupied by vehicles, a sectioning [...]

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Another Small Moment In Family Relations

September 23, 2010

Well, no. Like I was saying, he and my grandmother had been married since way before I was born. No, he didn’t have any quote legitimate grandchildren. Or unquote illegitimate grandchildren. Just a few step-grandchildren. I don’t suppose I do remember, now that you bring it up. I can’t recall any of the other step-grandchildren [...]

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South Tulsa’s Lee Greenwood Fan Club President (1987-94) Re-Captioning His Lee Greenwood Photo Collection After a Disappointing Interaction

September 22, 2010
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The Murky Fringe Interviews The Japanese Ambassador To The International Whaling Commission

September 21, 2010

The Murky Fringe: Dolphin slaughter. Dude. Seriously? Japanese Ambassador to the International Whaling Commission: I’m sorry? You have a question? TMF: Dude. Seriously. Seriously? JAIWC: I see. You are perhaps desirous of speaking with me about one of the much-maligned and misunderstood hallmarks of the the heritage of the Japanese people, which you westerners… TMF: [...]

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Rejected T-Shirt Slogans For “Horses ‘N’ Heroes” VS. “Horses For Heroes” Annual Beach Volleyball Tournament (2006)

September 20, 2010

HNHVHFHABVT 2006: “All We Have In Common Is Horses” HNHVHFHABVT 2006: “Troubled Youth and Wounded Veterans and Tanning Oil” HNHVHFHABVT 2006: “Please Give Us Money, We Just Wanna Ride Some Horses” HNHVHFHABVT 2006: “Battle for the URL” HNHVHFHABVT 2006: “The Time For Whisperin’ Is Over” HNHVHFHABVT 2006: “This Is Just Awkward”

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Overheard At the Cock Fight

September 19, 2010

1. “I don’t think he’s mean, per se; I think he just trains really hard.” 2. “No these roosters don’t know each other outside the ring at all.” 3. “Seriously, don’t tell me you’ve seen a wattle that big. That is a huge fucking wattle.” 4. “Are you kidding me? Without the razor blades it’s [...]

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Another Five Reasons Your Papou Likes Your Cousin Rachael Better Than You

September 18, 2010

Your cousin Rachael isn’t a goddamned prude, for one thing. If your Papou (who served during Vietnam, let us not forget) wants to nude sunbathe in the park, well a lot of his buddies never got that chance, because they died. For another, your cousin Rachael never splits hairs about how your Papou was stationed [...]

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Wednesday

September 17, 2010

When it was announced on Wednesday that Thursday would be the last day, that sometime Thursday evening it would all end, that everything and everyone would suddenly cease to be, Jameer kissed his mother and lifted the car keys from her pocket. He drove forty miles west of Houston before the car ran out of [...]

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