Original bassist Cliff Burton died on Kirk Hammet’s birthday, and he’s been fucked up about birthdays ever since.
Lars Ulrich is afraid of birthday candles. And balloons.
Years of cigarettes, alcohol, and screaming have rendered James Hetfield’s vocal cords incapable of the final high note of the birthday song, and it embarrasses the shit out of him.
That new dude on bass, whoever he is, isn’t allowed around kids.
Your parents don’t have twenty million dollars to pay those rich assholes for the gig.

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Bucking for another cease and desist aren’t ya.
You bet your ass. That’s how we roll here at Le Fringe.