Things I Refuse to Do with My Light Brite…(and the Reasons Why)

May 30, 2010

Share it with poor kids…(get your own Light Brite!)

Make the Irish flag…(I don’t believe in secession.)

Take it to gay bars…(the Light Brite don’t go outside my house.)

Turn it on in the closet…(what do you think I am, a Muslim?)

Spell words like “courage”…(man, fuck spelling!)

Make a portrait of Jesus…(as soon as he makes one of me.)

Use all the plastic pegs at once…(oh, yeah, and why not just throw a grenade in a Baskin Robbins.)

Construct a perfect pentagon…(like I said, I’m not a Muslim.)


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