Patrilineal Highlights for Bernie “Skeeter” Swanson

March 28, 2010

Bernard Swanson (Father) - Part of the team that engineered the adhesive strip on disposable diapers. Dabbled in Zoroastrianism until the excitement wore off. Called his son “Skeeter” because the boy was afraid of insects.

Randolph Swanson II (Grandfather) - Flew to Nepal to climb Mt. Everest, then decided against it and had a baby (not Bernard Swanson) out of wedlock with the daughter of one of his sherpas. Spent a great part of his life cataloging leaves “in case the whole world caught on fire.” Never wanted to have a Randolph Swanson III.

Randolph Swanson (Great Grandfather) - Fought in the American Civil War on the losing side. Loved hogs.

Jonas Randolph Swanson (Great Great Grandfather) - Spent a lot of time with Davy Crockett in the backwoods of Tennessee, probably just hanging out and telling stories and not doing anything that either one of them would be ashamed of later when both had significant years behind them and a (mostly) clean record of propriety and upstanding moral conduct. Jonas Randolph Swanson died by his own hand wearing a coon-skin cap.

Alexander Swanson (Great Great Great Grandfather) - Never took his wig off-not even in the bathtub. Fought the British at Yorktown. Won. Died peacefully knowing his son and heir loved liberty and having sex with women as much as he did.


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