Performance Review at Hannah’s Hot Haus Pretzels

February 13, 2010

Have a seat, Trina.

You’ve been with Hannah’s three months now. Our sales records put you at 5th out of 8 Hot Haus employees. Your goal when you were first given this job was to make the top three. Why do you think that hasn’t happened?

I don’t sell enough lemonade?

Actually, in the last month, you only sold 4 lemonades. Do you know how many pretzels you sold?

A hundred?

You sold 241 pretzels and 4 lemonades. Do you know what that tells me? It tells me you know how to sell. Do you know what else it tells me? That you’re not trying to sell the lemonade.

I guess I could ask more.

Absolutely. In fact, I bet if you just tried 25% more, you could sell, what, 5 lemonades a day. Do you think you could do that?

Probably. Sure.

And it’s not just lemonade, Trina. What about In Da Haus rewards? How many of those have you sold?

Like 3.

You haven’t sold any. Do you know what our In Da Haus rewards program is? No, wait, pretend I’m a customer. Here: I’d like 2 Hannah’s Originals and a Big Fatty.

Would you like to be part of our In Da Haus rewards program?

No, I just want my pretzels.

Okay.

No. Don’t give up so easily. Say, Okay, but for every 9 pretzels you buy, you get the tenth one free and you’re already a third of the way there. It’s only $2.99, which is less than a gallon of gas. Or something like that. Try it again. Here: I’d like a Big Fatty, a bag of Hot Holes, and a Cinna-Hannah-Crunch.

Would you like to be part of our In Da Haus rewards program?

I don’t know. What do I get?

More pretzels if you buy lots of pretzels.

Okay, that’s better. But don’t forget to tell me how much it is. And be specific about what they’ll receive instead of just saying more pretzels. Because what’s more pretzels? Two? Seven? Twenty-one?

It’s $2.99.

Good, but we’re not role-playing anymore. And what about the nacho cheese?

I sell those all the time.

But do you sell them every time?

People don’t always buy pretzels.

Let’s try this again. I want you to try and, gently, sell me a side of nacho cheese. Here: I’d like a lemonade, please.

Would you like some nacho cheese?

No, I don’t want nacho cheese. With my lemonade? That won’t work. You should try this instead. Can I send you home with some nacho cheese for later?

Nobody would ever say yes to that.

First of all, you don’t know that if you never ask. And second, what if they did? That’s an 80% mark-up for us. And for hardly any effort on your part. You’d be in the top 3 for sure, and wouldn’t you like that?

What do I get if I make the top 3?

Pride. Respect. Not to mention the satisfaction of achieving a goal after you put your mind to it.

So nothing.

Do you have any questions for me at this time?

No.

Okay then. Keep selling those lemonades.

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