Another Blind Date Driving Through the Tetons

November 2, 2009

“My mother’s from Montana.”

“Oh really, what city?” [Please don't say the Tetons are named for big breasts.]

“Billings. Why? Do you know Montana?”

“A little. I went to horseback riding camp with someone from Dillon.” [Don't say Tetons and big breasts.]

“I used to go more when I was little. We’d visit my Grandfather, and he’d get all sad when we had to leave. I think we stopped going because it was so hard watching him cry as we drove away.”

“My grandma gets sad whenever we say goodbye. And we only live 10 miles away. Must be a grandparent thing.” [Don't say Tetons and look at my breasts.]


“I love this drive.”

“Me too. It’s beautiful.” [Here we go. He's gonna say it. Tetons are named after tits. I hate this part. He makes the joke and I laugh it off and we let the moment pass because we have to say it--we're from different parts of Wyoming and that's just what you do! Our uncles burn this into us.]

“These mountains are incredible. My mom and I used to camp at Jenny Lake.

“I’ve never been there, but I hear it’s great.” [His train of thought: Jenny Lake...Jenny...teenaged girl...tits...Tetons! So obvious. Why can't I find a guy with non-linear thoughts.]

“It’s become pretty crowded in the last twenty years, so we don’t go there as often.”

“That’s kind of sad.” [It's sad that you're going to ruin any chance we have by telling me that these "glorious mountains were named by the French for the women's breasts they loved so much."]

“There are plenty of good camping spots in the Tetons.”

“I mean it’s sad that the West is starting to feel crowded.” [Waiting for the other shoe to drop.]

“I think it’s good for the West in the long-term. We can have our open spaces AND slowly build our cities. Wyoming could use the jobs.”

“I guess you’re just more comfortable with that than I am. All I can see is New York City  springing up in Casper, forcing good people into North Dakota.” [Just say it and get it over with.]

“My dad’s from North Dakota.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” [For the love of God, just fucking say it!]

“No, I’m just kidding. He’s from Laramie. Hey, are you getting hungry?”

“A little.” [SAY IT!!]


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