7 Confessions from My High School Biology Teacher to His Applebee’s Waitress

October 10, 2009

  • I used to think that Chinese people spilled things all the time, but you've never done that.
  • I once took a fetal pig into the sauna with me
  • I've stolen 13 ketchup bottles from you guys this year alone, and some A-1 sauce.
  • I think about you when I listen to Sammy-Hagar Van Halen
  • My sketch book is filled with portraits of old people sleeping in chairs...through windows
  • When I get the Brownie Obsession, I wait 'til your gone and jab my tongue around in the ice cream like this [demonstrates]
  • I didn't want that last refill

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